Releasing Anger
There is a conventional wisdom about anger, perhaps out of date today but still believed by many. This says that anger needs to be released explosively but safely. This approach was popular in the 1980s and 90s, with extreme examples such as ‘primal scream’ therapy. A generation of therapy clients were encouraged to beat cushions and walls with soft bats.
These days, it’s recognised that an explosive release is usually unhelpful. It can be re-traumatising, and therefore unsafe. Studies have also shown that people who undergo this kind of therapy overestimate its effectiveness.
A different approach is needed. Why do we suppress our anger? Fundamentally, we do so because it’s unsafe to be angry in certain situations. A child who is being abused by an adult is better off keeping quiet than in provoking the adult through a ‘fight’ response. The anger is suppressed by the fear, and it turns inwards and becomes self-hatred. My inner sense of injustice tells me to speak up; but I have to silence that voice somehow. I do it ultimately by undermining myself, shaming myself into silence. Instead of denouncing the abuser, I denounce myself.
Working somatically with repressed anger, it can manifest as a burning, intense heat in the core of the body. It feels volcanic, ready to explode ferociously. People have usually tried to let that anger out, and have found that it doesn’t help them, or anyone else, and so they have to keep it in.
A volcano is only explosive if the lava is kept under pressure. What if, instead of trying to let it out suddenly, we were to give it more space - a lot more? By feeling the anger in the body and then letting it expand to fill whatever space it needs, it often transforms into something else. Instead of a dangerous rage, it now feels like life-energy, healthy, clear and supportive. The person can breathe it in and out, and it no longer feels murderous or shameful.
One client described breathing the air of released anger as “fresh, minty, clear”. Another described how the inner volcano had cooled, leaving a magnificent statue. A third reported this experience to be one of “triumph” over the abuser.
“The best revenge is recovery”, as the saying goes, and the person can feel themselves to be free of the anger without needing to hurt anyone with it. Anger at its most helpful is self-assertion, taking up one’s own space without apology.
Self-hatred is created in order to suppress a healthy response through shame and guilt, and when anger transforms back into healthy self-assertion, there is a sense of restoration to full humanity.
